[url=https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v318/gardenz/DSCN1117.jpg][img]https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v318/gardenz/th_DSCN1117.jpg[/img][/url]I'm in N.J. also and not far at all from Browns Mills. My garden is "cottage style" as well.
One thing to keep in mind is what plants are "safe" to plant in your area. By "safe"...I mean: how deer resistant are they? Since no
plant is entirely and 100% deer-proof if they're hungry enough, I've learned that short of an 8' fence (which I can't do because my gardens are so spread out), the next best thing is to avoid plants on Bambi's menu and/or to use a deer repellant spray on a regular basis. Just make sure you change brands every so often. They get used to the odor of one after awhile and it tends to loose it's complete effectiveness.
Of the plants on your list, I've found deer to be particularly fond of roses and coneflowers. They'll avoid most all herbs, and there's lots of flowering herbs out there. Salvias (or sages) come in a wide selection and form, so I try to incorporate as many perennial varieties as I can. (Perovskia or Russian Sage being just one.) Yarrows, as was suggested, are excellent choices. I've never had any of my ornamental grasses bothered by them. Many varieties are within a size range for your smaller area. Foxgloves, aka Digitalis (a cottage mainstay) are also avoided as they're poisonous.
And, "yes", you can
have a buddleia (butterfly bush) if you prune it judiciously throughout the season. I've got ones that are 15' tall and others I've keep only 3 or 4'. The panicles will be smaller, but more numerous and the bush will be "tighter".
I'd avoid tulips and hyacinths unless you can plant them in pots which you can sink in the ground and cover w/screening. Squirrels and chipmunks favor digging up those bulbs, and don't use bonemeal when planting them since bonemeal has been found to actually attract
the critters & aid their locating them. Again, once they do
bloom, you'll have to spray. Deer love the flowers as do rabbits. But, daffs are foolproof. I've planted drifts of them in many areas and they've never been touched. Daffs & their foliage are poisonous and the critters seem to know this. Alliums (giant globes down to small, blue-flowered garlic chives) are also great and avoided by your four-footed neighbors.
I get my bulbs mostly at one of the Big Box stores. Specialty bulbs, I order from Van Engellen (?) or Bluestone Perennials.
Good luck w/your cottage garden. I love the style because, short of deer/woodchuck/rabbit & vole intervention, they provide the widest parameters for varieties of plants from which to choose. You can be as eclectic as Mother Nature allows you to be.