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applestar
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Non-gardening, gardening-related funnies

I thought we had a category like this somewhere but can’t find it now. Stuff like Sunday funny pages, memorable quotes, etc.

Well, I thought this was pretty funny. Couldn’t find it on YouTube so had to make a little clip myself. Hope this worked.

https://mixcord.co/picplaypost/p/f26Xcj ... wrjDhC0cw/

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MoonShadows
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webmaster
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Ever have days like this?
internet-wins.jpg

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Here's another one:
santa-venison.jpg

told2b
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What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?

It’s Christmas, Eve!

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MoonShadows
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Aloe, hehe.
:P

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tomf
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Here are a few jokes.
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MoonShadows
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tomf
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More.
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MoonShadows
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applestar
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Image

— these are all terrific!! :lol:

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MoonShadows
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Heh. Those are my cats!

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MoonShadows
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FOOD FOR THOUGHT

* If you attempt to rob a bank you won't have any trouble with rent/food bills for the next 10 years, whether or not you are successful

* Do twins ever realize that one of them is unplanned

* What if my dog only brings back my ball because he thinks I like throwing it?

* If poison expires, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous?

* Which letter is silent in the word "Scent," the S or the C?

* Why is the letter W, in English, called double U? Shouldn't it be called double V?

* Maybe oxygen is slowly killing you and It just takes 75-100 years to fully work.

* Every time you clean something, you just make something else dirty

* The word "swims" upside-down is still "swims".

* Intentionally losing a game of rock, paper, scissors is just as hard as trying to win.

* 100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses.

* Your future self is watching you right now through memories.

* The doctors that told Stephen Hawking he had two years to live in 1953 are probably dead

* If you replace "W" with "T" in "What, Where and When", you get the answer to each of them.

* Many animals probably need glasses, but nobody knows it.

* If you rip a hole in a net, there are actually fewer holes in it than there were before.

* If 2/2/22 falls on a Tuesday, we’ll just call it “2’s Day”

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digitS'
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It's probably best to recognize some of ..

. our health care people ..

. on New Year's Eve!
image.jpeg
:D Steve

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MoonShadows
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Good one. Happy New Year!

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digitS'
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Hey! Why did the Christmas Gingerbread Man have to go to the hospital? … He was feeling crummy.

Okay, Happy New Year! .Now that you have survived 2017 and New Year's Eve ... it is time to take care of yourself with a healthy diet. But, after surviving all that! You will probably need some guidance in the produce aisle!
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:D Steve

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applestar
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Image HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Image

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digitS'
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Do okay on that first shopping trip of 2018? Yeah, it's not realistic to expect too much, we just do the best we can.
organic donuts.jpg
:D Steve

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digitS'
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Common sense is not so common. ~ Voltaire
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:D Steve

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applestar
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Hahaha. Does that make Chocolate a vegetable too? Made from cacao beans, right?

Back in the ‘80’s my email sig said “Chocolate is not food — it’s MEDICINE !!”
...so I absolutely LOVED it when Professor Lupin gave Harry chocolate to help him recover from the Dementor attack :lol: :wink:

thanrose
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Dr Doolittle was one of my favorite characters in books when I was learning to read. His recommendation of chocolate cake as the perfect food struck a chord with me. Dairy and eggs and grain and vegetable?

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digitS'
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applestar wrote:...Back in the ‘80’s my email sig said “Chocolate is not food — it’s MEDICINE !!”
:lol: :wink:
You had email in the '80's, AppleStar??

Let me guess ... you were employed by Princeton and talked to Stanford all the time??

Steve :D

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applestar
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Ooh good point — hmm? Well I started working there in ‘89 and it was not either of those places but it was a *commercial* research laboratory with ties to the academia so we had Internet and email. Do you remember LISTSERV?

But wait! — actually, where I worked before that, we had (at least) internal email because I had been using that sig previously. I can’t remember now if we used the email there for external communication.... Fun times there — the Computer Systems Engineering manager was avid about Apple products and got me using the Lisa then the Mac when they first came out. And he kept on getting the new ones as they came out so I got to play with the new models. One of the reasons the next place hired me was because I was so familiar with the Apple computers....

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digitS'
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Surplus garden produce is sometimes available from some of the better gardeners. Of course, their choices may show personal preferences and be rather exotic:
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:D Steve

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digitS'
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It would probably be best for me to just buy fruits and vegetables from the food industry.

.

.

I get so confused by what is in my own garden:
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steve

DarrenP
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No picture funnies, so I hope a written joke is allowed.
Why did the bald man have a picture of a rabbit tattooed on his head?

From a distance, it looked like a hare.

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MoonShadows
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DarrenP
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One of my all time favourites:
A Great Dane and a Dachshund were walking through the snow, and the Great Dane said, "Gee, my paws are cold". The Dachshund replied, "You think you have problems."

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tomf
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What do you call a dog with no legs? Don't bother it is not coming anyways.

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applestar
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Groan, @tomf! :roll: :lol:

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applestar
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DH bought eggs from a store we usually don’t buy eggs from. We ended up with 2 doz eggs of a brand I never heard of before.

Whatever they are calling themselves, I have re-named them Wise Guys eggs... let me tell you why.

Last time, I made 2 eggs. The first egg had shell so hard that my standard whack to crack it wasn’t enough, and I had to double-whack it, which I hate doing because inevitably, broken shells fall into the egg. So for the 2nd egg, I was prepared — I Gave it an extra hard whack ... and it had the most fragile, thin shell. I barely reacted in time to recover and adjust, so I didn’t completely smash the egg and egg yolk on the counter edge, but quite a bit of the egg white dribbled down the side, and into the unfortunately slightly ajar drawer. :evil:

Tonight, I was making a 3-egg omelette — 1st egg needed double-whack, 2nd shell was just as hard, ... and the third egg? You guessed it. :x

DEFINITELY, “WISE GUYS” eggs. :roll:

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Gary350
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This is differently non gardening funny.

When I was in college 1974 I lived in a house with 6 guys. The yard had 6 ft tall bushes all the way around except for the driveway and a small 2 ft wide opening in the bushes where you had to run very fast to jump over a large ditch to get to the mail box. If you do not jump the ditch then you have to walk all the way around outside to get the mail. Someone would always get the mail so I never worried about it but one day everyone decided it was my turn to jump the ditch to get the mail. So I ran and jumped the ditch my feet went out from under me I landed on my butt then slid on my back several feet. When I stood up I could smell the very strong smell of dog poop. It was on my feet and all up the back of my pants and shirt and in my hair. When I went into the house everyone laughed so hard they thought it was funny. After I took a shower and put on clean clothes everyone confessed they had all jumped the ditch before me and experienced the same thing. LOL. As it turned out a woman walked her dog the same time every day and every day the dog took a dump at our mail box. Every day for 3 days someone went out and talked to the woman about not letting her dog take a dump at our mail box. The woman said, there is nothing she can do the dog goes where it wants dog likes that green grassy spot at the mail box. Next day I put an M80 firecracker in the green grassy spot with an electric igniter and a wire running inside the house. We watched and waited then the dog squatted I pushed the button. BOOM, it scared the dog so bad it took off running as hard as it could go. The woman had a safety leash attached to her wrist that will not release that big 100 lb dog jerked that women threw the air she landed in the gravel about 10 ft from our mail box. The dog never slowed down dog pulled that woman about 30 ft through gravel and asphalt it skinned her up pretty bad. That woman never walked her dog on our street every again.



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