I don't know if humor in good taste is allowed on this forum or not. This will help me find out.
I believe every day should begin and end with a good laugh. All the empty space between should also contain a lot of laughter. I look at it as good exercise for your lungs. Click to enlarge the photos.
[img]https://i291.photobucket.com/albums/ll308/tedln/Humor/ATT00011.jpg[/img]
[img]https://i291.photobucket.com/albums/ll308/tedln/Humor/ATT00007.jpg[/img]
[img]https://i291.photobucket.com/albums/ll308/tedln/Humor/ATT00005.jpg[/img]
[img]https://i291.photobucket.com/albums/ll308/tedln/Humor/ATT00013.jpg[/img]
Ted
Office wall huh! Maybe he will prefer one of these.Marlingardener wrote:Tedln,
I love it! Those are great cartoons! I agree, sometimes laughing is the only thing standing between us and mayhem.
Thanks for posting--I have the feeling that at least one of those is going to show up on my husband's office board! (He has a great sense of humor--he's been married to me for 39 years, and that takes a LOT of humor).
[img]https://i291.photobucket.com/albums/ll308/tedln/Humor/ATT00003.jpg[/img]
[img]https://i291.photobucket.com/albums/ll308/tedln/Humor/ATT00002.jpg[/img]
Keep laughing!
Ted
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gixxerific
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applestar
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Applestar whipping out her "hall monitor" pad: "Tedln is cluttering up the forum with non-gardening stuff" ... confiscating all comic strips and turning them into the Webmaster ... few minutes later, chuckles and guffaws leaking out from Webmasters office ... he has taped up all the "funnies" behind his door.... 
Good stuff, tedln.
Good stuff, tedln.
And for those cat lovers!
[img]https://i291.photobucket.com/albums/ll308/tedln/Humor/cid_0E60FEC9680240B18CA9F1F10BD75F28NORRIDPC.jpg[/img]
[img]https://i291.photobucket.com/albums/ll308/tedln/Humor/cid_1E5C3B939E064FDC956C1468A2D8D299NORRIDPC.jpg[/img]
[img]https://i291.photobucket.com/albums/ll308/tedln/Humor/cid_3C89F46F77A242BF8E8EB0E1772C1CA2NORRIDPC.jpg[/img]
Ted
[img]https://i291.photobucket.com/albums/ll308/tedln/Humor/cid_0E60FEC9680240B18CA9F1F10BD75F28NORRIDPC.jpg[/img]
[img]https://i291.photobucket.com/albums/ll308/tedln/Humor/cid_1E5C3B939E064FDC956C1468A2D8D299NORRIDPC.jpg[/img]
[img]https://i291.photobucket.com/albums/ll308/tedln/Humor/cid_3C89F46F77A242BF8E8EB0E1772C1CA2NORRIDPC.jpg[/img]
Ted
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gixxerific
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rainbowgardener
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Or blondes, husbands also, some times it is a thin line between what is funny and what may hurt some one. Some people use jokes as a way to be hurtful this is never my intent.rainbowgardener wrote:humor is good, even life saving sometimes. But tricky, because everyone's idea of "good taste" is different. Have you noticed how much humor is at the expense of older women? I notice it now that I am one!
I LOVE the tiger photo....!!
The joke works both ways.
A husband asked his wife: 'What do you like most in me, my handsome face or my sexy body?'
She looked at him from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humour!'
My absolute best friends all my life have been people who were not afraid to give me a really hard time. The only thing they needed to understand is at some point, the humor will be returned. I love being the brunt of the joke and the instigator. It doesn't take long to recognize the people who have no sense of humor. That is their right, but for me it would be a boring life. An elderly lady in our church whose life is brightened every time she can dig me a little, recently had her second knee replacement. I plan on taking a can of WD 40 to church next Sunday and asking her to spray her knees because they are squeaking to loud. She will get even at some point and I will enjoy that. I laugh with my friends who tell jokes about old people (thats me), overweight people (thats me), balding guys (thats me) and just about anything else. My wife is now an older woman and finds the "old woman" jokes funny because she can relate to some of the punch lines as she gets older.
For anyone who still doesn't understand, please read my signature line.
Ted
For anyone who still doesn't understand, please read my signature line.
Ted
Tedn that is funny; WD40! I am sure she will like it.
I find the best joking is when you make some one feel good about them selfs or it is not hurtful.
Rainbow we are all getting older. And it beats the alternative.
When we are young we may be good to look at but as we age we become more, as we are the sum of our experiences. There is outer beauty and there is an inner beauty the inner beauty lasts a lifetime. I have read your posts and judging from them I would say you are helpful, kind, smart, and have a willingness to accept others. Your inner beauty shines even over the net. I even like your forum name. I would go on but you may already be embarrassed and I am feeling corny but it is what I think so if I have been somewhat corny I don't care. Your cool.
I find the best joking is when you make some one feel good about them selfs or it is not hurtful.
Rainbow we are all getting older. And it beats the alternative.
When we are young we may be good to look at but as we age we become more, as we are the sum of our experiences. There is outer beauty and there is an inner beauty the inner beauty lasts a lifetime. I have read your posts and judging from them I would say you are helpful, kind, smart, and have a willingness to accept others. Your inner beauty shines even over the net. I even like your forum name. I would go on but you may already be embarrassed and I am feeling corny but it is what I think so if I have been somewhat corny I don't care. Your cool.
I think the worst thing you can do for an elderly person is make them feel like a child again. helpless, not really a part of life. Getting older can be a pain in the rear, but it simply doesn't seem so bad if people continue to value your thoughts and feelings as a human being. I hope enough people are around as I get older to kid me and joke with me a lot. When they stop, I will feel it is time for me to leave this place.
Ted
Ted
It's been a little quite in here, so it must be time for a laugh.
[img]https://i291.photobucket.com/albums/ll308/tedln/image0131212.jpg[/img]
[img]https://i291.photobucket.com/albums/ll308/tedln/image0121111.jpg[/img]
What can I say? Does it really matter now?
[img]https://i291.photobucket.com/albums/ll308/tedln/image0111010.jpg[/img]
Wanna go for a ride hun?
[img]https://i291.photobucket.com/albums/ll308/tedln/image00222.jpg[/img]
I know tomf likes music. Maybe we can get together and jam a little.
[img]https://i291.photobucket.com/albums/ll308/tedln/image00111.jpg[/img]
Ted
[img]https://i291.photobucket.com/albums/ll308/tedln/image0131212.jpg[/img]
[img]https://i291.photobucket.com/albums/ll308/tedln/image0121111.jpg[/img]
What can I say? Does it really matter now?
[img]https://i291.photobucket.com/albums/ll308/tedln/image0111010.jpg[/img]
Wanna go for a ride hun?
[img]https://i291.photobucket.com/albums/ll308/tedln/image00222.jpg[/img]
I know tomf likes music. Maybe we can get together and jam a little.
[img]https://i291.photobucket.com/albums/ll308/tedln/image00111.jpg[/img]
Ted
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Charlie MV
- Greener Thumb
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Charlie MV
- Greener Thumb
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Is a story okay if it's true?
It was a very cold February day on the Ashley River. The tide was slack but the wind gusts were up to 45 mph. I was finishing up a renovation job on the old boat. I was carrying a 3 foot by 6 foot piece of 1/4" prefit, prefinished plywood down the dock to install it in the galley.
The boat is located on the outermost dock. I have to pass a row of sport fishers to get to mine. It's Monday so only old Dick is on his fly bridge engaging in his favorite sport, Budweiser. Dick's boat is one slip away or about 14 feet with no boat in the tween slip.
I pass Dick's boat and as I board my swim platform , a gust of wind picks up me and the plywood. I landed in the river kicking like hell and managed to hold this very expensive piece of plywood out of the water.
The ensuing conversation went like this. It's important to know that Dick's 78, has known me for 3 years and he's a few bricks shy of a load sober.
Me: DICK ,a beat, DIIICK!
no answer
Me at double volume: DICK!
Dick: What?
Me: Dick, help.
Dick: Who is it ?[all the while looking everywhere but at me]
Me:Dick, it's Charlie!
Dick: Who?
Me: Dick, It's Charlie, I'm in the water.
Dick: What??
Me :Dick, It's Charlie, I fell in the water.
Dick: Where?
Me: Dick, look down.
Dick looks over the other side of his boat.
Me: NOOOO DICK, IT'S CHARLIE OVER HERE< I FELL IN THE WATER!
Dick: Where?
Me: Damit Dick look over at my boat!
Dick finally looks at my boat and says :Where are you?
Me: DICK LOOK DOWN!
Dick finally sees me lets out a few Oh my gods and climbs down his ladder.
He comes over and demands my hand. Now remember, I'm still keeping the plywood dry . That's kind of the point. We argue for a few minutes while he tries to convince me I'll drown if I don't give him my hand. We argued for 5 minutes or so and he finally agreed just to pull the plywood up on the dock. I flipped my swim ladder down and climbed out.
True story. I kept my plywood dry. Dick didn't remember a thing the next day but loved the story.
It was a very cold February day on the Ashley River. The tide was slack but the wind gusts were up to 45 mph. I was finishing up a renovation job on the old boat. I was carrying a 3 foot by 6 foot piece of 1/4" prefit, prefinished plywood down the dock to install it in the galley.
The boat is located on the outermost dock. I have to pass a row of sport fishers to get to mine. It's Monday so only old Dick is on his fly bridge engaging in his favorite sport, Budweiser. Dick's boat is one slip away or about 14 feet with no boat in the tween slip.
I pass Dick's boat and as I board my swim platform , a gust of wind picks up me and the plywood. I landed in the river kicking like hell and managed to hold this very expensive piece of plywood out of the water.
The ensuing conversation went like this. It's important to know that Dick's 78, has known me for 3 years and he's a few bricks shy of a load sober.
Me: DICK ,a beat, DIIICK!
no answer
Me at double volume: DICK!
Dick: What?
Me: Dick, help.
Dick: Who is it ?[all the while looking everywhere but at me]
Me:Dick, it's Charlie!
Dick: Who?
Me: Dick, It's Charlie, I'm in the water.
Dick: What??
Me :Dick, It's Charlie, I fell in the water.
Dick: Where?
Me: Dick, look down.
Dick looks over the other side of his boat.
Me: NOOOO DICK, IT'S CHARLIE OVER HERE< I FELL IN THE WATER!
Dick: Where?
Me: Damit Dick look over at my boat!
Dick finally looks at my boat and says :Where are you?
Me: DICK LOOK DOWN!
Dick finally sees me lets out a few Oh my gods and climbs down his ladder.
He comes over and demands my hand. Now remember, I'm still keeping the plywood dry . That's kind of the point. We argue for a few minutes while he tries to convince me I'll drown if I don't give him my hand. We argued for 5 minutes or so and he finally agreed just to pull the plywood up on the dock. I flipped my swim ladder down and climbed out.
True story. I kept my plywood dry. Dick didn't remember a thing the next day but loved the story.
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applestar
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Charlie, I'm laughing so hard I got tears in my eyes. 
Wow, you must be a great swimmer. They should add that -- holding up a large piece of plywood out of the water keeping it dry for over 5 min. to their tests -- or do they have that already?I think I would sink the moment I lifted my arms out of the water....
Remind me to only do that when you're within hailing distance. ..
[img]https://i252.photobucket.com/albums/hh27/Kisal_photos/nomnom-MensShirtTemplate.jpg[/img]
I know most people will thing this is grass on the shirt, but the picture reminds me a lot of the way min garlic leaves looked with all the slugs on them last year....
Thanks tedln for starting this and all the others with their contributions whether it be pics, jokes or stories. After a long stressful day at work it's nice to smile or have a good laugh. I have a plaque that says Sit long, Talk much and Laugh Often which are things I never seem to have the time to do so when I get those rare moments I enjoy them 
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Charlie MV
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Marlingardener wrote:Charlie,
To think that all that was between you and oblivion was two more beers! I'm glad you caught Dick early enough in the day. We would all have missed having you here on the forum.
Did you think of turning the plywood into a raft?
Marlingardener, NOOOOOO. That was about a $150 piece of wood after all the work I did on it. Salt water would have toasted it and made that little panel a $300 panel. I would have kicked with my feet all day. I just couldn't lift it up on the dock without help.
Dick's a good guy. He does as well as can be expected for a 78 year old who is usually on his 4th Budweiser by 10 AM.
There are literally hundreds of similar stories. The pot smoking captain who imitated the sound of my 32 year old electric toilets was hilarious but I need to upload the sound effects.
My niece locking herself in the forward head was great. The best part of that one was that there was another door that was unlocked. Alcohol always seems to play a part. she's 30 and should have known better but she did have a bag of Oreos so the wait for rescue was tolerable. I got her to promise to scrub the boat before I let her out but I was abusing a desperate alcohol/Oreo junkie so I guess the lord will make me pay.
I have a great squirrel story but the last time I posted it I think the HG audience judged me harshly. I'll post it again if there is interest.
If I tell a story and your drink exits your noise, my work was done well.
Okay, true story.
About twenty years ago, my mom was in a convalescent home after an extended hospital stay. Most of the residents of the home were elderly including my mom. Every time we would visit mom, she would complain about her teeth hurting. Like almost all of the residents, moms teeth would spend the night soaking in a glass of water. After a few visits we realized the residents who could walk would remember, as they were walking; they had forgot their teeth. They would simply enter the closest room, remove the teeth from the water glass that looked just like theirs and insert them. The attendants were always trying different methods to keep peoples teeth identified. Many of the attendants were so good, they could look at a set of teeth and identify the owner.
On one of my visits to my dentist, the dentist asked me what my long term goal with my teeth is. I told him my goal is to still have teeth when I die. I never toldl him why.
Ted
About twenty years ago, my mom was in a convalescent home after an extended hospital stay. Most of the residents of the home were elderly including my mom. Every time we would visit mom, she would complain about her teeth hurting. Like almost all of the residents, moms teeth would spend the night soaking in a glass of water. After a few visits we realized the residents who could walk would remember, as they were walking; they had forgot their teeth. They would simply enter the closest room, remove the teeth from the water glass that looked just like theirs and insert them. The attendants were always trying different methods to keep peoples teeth identified. Many of the attendants were so good, they could look at a set of teeth and identify the owner.
On one of my visits to my dentist, the dentist asked me what my long term goal with my teeth is. I told him my goal is to still have teeth when I die. I never toldl him why.
Ted
Last edited by tedln on Wed Aug 25, 2010 8:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Charlie MV
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No need to post it again if it's the one with the super soaker! I looked it up and cracked up--AGAIN!Charlie MV wrote:
I have a great squirrel story but the last time I posted it I think the HG audience judged me harshly. I'll post it again if there is interest.
Found a coupla others, too...and the squirrels are back in my redwood tree this year, after a year and a half (almost) of no squirrels. 
I persuaded one neighbor to stop feeding them...*that* was interesting. I must have written about it somewhere here....but they're back. Just in time to mess up the fall planting, too.Fluffy-Tailed Rats. Arrgh....More fantasies of violent acts...I can feel those fantasies zooming back into my brain this very second...
Cynthia H.
Sunset Zone 17, USDA Zone 9
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Charlie MV
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Charlie MV
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Cynthia, I thought everybody hated the story. I'm glad you liked it. We have a newer, more twisted bunch here now so with permission from the author, me, I'll repost it. Cousin Ted will love it. I'd love to see the faces of our three aunts when he reads it to them.
It's a few years old but still a good true yarn.
Several years ago my bride and I discovered the joys of bird watching. We had a lovely glassed in ex laundry room/back porch that we had converted with treated 4x4s and some very expensive plexi glass. We started with a few cheap feeders from the depot and as we got into it more found out we needed suet, tray and hummingbird feeders. So spend we did and soon we attracting an amazing variety of birds. We recorded 56 species of birds that spring who came to call and enjoy a snack or drink and possible bath in several of our public bird baths.
The trouble started so slowly that we didn't even pay it much attention. The antics of the cute little furry guys was entertaining so I didn't worry much when the first feeder wound up on the ground. I hung it back up and refilled the lot and went back to the garden. Then I saw him slap it down again and I said ok I'll secure it better and we'll be fine. Then he not only kept stealing seed but he ate a few holes in the feeders. I was a little surprised but still patient and I fed the Home Depot some more money, bought some replacements and we were good for a day or two until apparently he told some of his buddies and they had "Let's tear up all of Charlie's feeders day" .
Ok, I'm still being naively patient and I find "squirrel proof "feeders at the depot. Did I mention squirrels are smart? Well they are. The squirrel proof feeder kept them at bay for about 35 hours. Even twist tied to the shepards hook the new feeders ended up on the ground... empty. Now I felt this was all a bit unreasonable because remember I had tray feeders that the little rats could get to and I even bought them cheaper feed corn.
I greased the pole. Now that was funny for a while because the squirrels would limp off shaking their little paws as everything they touched stuck to the grease. Worked about 3 hours and they were leaping up to the feeders. I got more proactive. With practice and patience I got to where I could stalk them with a super soaker. Squirrels cut a flip or two with their tails looping when you manage to startle them with one of those things. I went to the super soaker because they could actually out run a blast from the garden hose. I even lay on the deck a few times and was lucky enough to actually get a few right in the face. I can't yell you how funny it is to see a squirrels reaction when you manage to make the stream fork up his nose from 4 feet away. They are not only surprised because a grown man is laying prone on the deck with a really big really powerful squirt gun but that it shot right up his little rat nose. 2 star entertainment and 3 flips for the squirrel.
As you may realize, this required a lot of patience on my part but not just a little bit of time. I read about stringing the feeders on wire and hanging them across the yard so that's what I did. Did you know a squirrel can not only walk on a very thin wire but hang from it and clean out a squirrel proof feeder?
By now I'm feeling pissed. My wife says I'm obsessing and allowing the little !@#$% to get in my head. Not so. I know I'm smarter than a squirrel. I went to the hobby shop and bought 200 little wooden thread spools. Smart huh? I detached the wire from the house and barn and ran the spools onto the wire. With the wire and feeders restretched, I fixed a drink and sat back for the fun. Fun it was. The first dozen squirrels would make 2 to 5 feet and roll off the spools and hit the ground with the most wonderful dull PLOP! I was completely happy, for about a week. Then Goliath showed up. He was huge and I discovered had the balance of a circus squirrel. He drew up to the eve and studied the wire and spools. His little squirrel brain worked as his buddies looked on. He took a deep breath and ran out to the first feeder and stopped. All the squirrels were holding their breath from their little squirrel perches as he got a grip, hung himself down and cleaned out my feeder. In my mind their applause was thunderous. My wife said to surrender. I considered it but pride is a horrible thing.
The next day when my girl got home was the second hardest I ever saw her laugh. I had unstrung each feeder, threaded a 33 rpm record album down on top of each feeder like a little cap. Did I mention we had about 23 feeders. Through the tears and knee slaps she told me the back yard looked like we were having a sock hop. I had the last laugh because it worked!! HA HA that, woman! I am truly superior.
My birds and I enjoyed squirrel free feeding for a few weeks. That was the hardest laugh she ever had ay my expense. You see, in the south, in July heat those plastic albums melt down and form little black cones. When she came home from work Goliath and a few friends he trained were hanging by their heels cleaning out the squirrel proof feeders.
The next few months were well, just sad although cayenne pepper mixed with the seed did burn when they rubbed it in their little squirrel eyes.
I finally admitted defeat. We sold the house, bought a big boat and lived aboard for 3 years until last September. If you've read this far you'll really appreciate why I find this video so funny. Be sure to watch the whole thing.
https://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=2016822185
_________________
It's a few years old but still a good true yarn.
Several years ago my bride and I discovered the joys of bird watching. We had a lovely glassed in ex laundry room/back porch that we had converted with treated 4x4s and some very expensive plexi glass. We started with a few cheap feeders from the depot and as we got into it more found out we needed suet, tray and hummingbird feeders. So spend we did and soon we attracting an amazing variety of birds. We recorded 56 species of birds that spring who came to call and enjoy a snack or drink and possible bath in several of our public bird baths.
The trouble started so slowly that we didn't even pay it much attention. The antics of the cute little furry guys was entertaining so I didn't worry much when the first feeder wound up on the ground. I hung it back up and refilled the lot and went back to the garden. Then I saw him slap it down again and I said ok I'll secure it better and we'll be fine. Then he not only kept stealing seed but he ate a few holes in the feeders. I was a little surprised but still patient and I fed the Home Depot some more money, bought some replacements and we were good for a day or two until apparently he told some of his buddies and they had "Let's tear up all of Charlie's feeders day" .
Ok, I'm still being naively patient and I find "squirrel proof "feeders at the depot. Did I mention squirrels are smart? Well they are. The squirrel proof feeder kept them at bay for about 35 hours. Even twist tied to the shepards hook the new feeders ended up on the ground... empty. Now I felt this was all a bit unreasonable because remember I had tray feeders that the little rats could get to and I even bought them cheaper feed corn.
I greased the pole. Now that was funny for a while because the squirrels would limp off shaking their little paws as everything they touched stuck to the grease. Worked about 3 hours and they were leaping up to the feeders. I got more proactive. With practice and patience I got to where I could stalk them with a super soaker. Squirrels cut a flip or two with their tails looping when you manage to startle them with one of those things. I went to the super soaker because they could actually out run a blast from the garden hose. I even lay on the deck a few times and was lucky enough to actually get a few right in the face. I can't yell you how funny it is to see a squirrels reaction when you manage to make the stream fork up his nose from 4 feet away. They are not only surprised because a grown man is laying prone on the deck with a really big really powerful squirt gun but that it shot right up his little rat nose. 2 star entertainment and 3 flips for the squirrel.
As you may realize, this required a lot of patience on my part but not just a little bit of time. I read about stringing the feeders on wire and hanging them across the yard so that's what I did. Did you know a squirrel can not only walk on a very thin wire but hang from it and clean out a squirrel proof feeder?
By now I'm feeling pissed. My wife says I'm obsessing and allowing the little !@#$% to get in my head. Not so. I know I'm smarter than a squirrel. I went to the hobby shop and bought 200 little wooden thread spools. Smart huh? I detached the wire from the house and barn and ran the spools onto the wire. With the wire and feeders restretched, I fixed a drink and sat back for the fun. Fun it was. The first dozen squirrels would make 2 to 5 feet and roll off the spools and hit the ground with the most wonderful dull PLOP! I was completely happy, for about a week. Then Goliath showed up. He was huge and I discovered had the balance of a circus squirrel. He drew up to the eve and studied the wire and spools. His little squirrel brain worked as his buddies looked on. He took a deep breath and ran out to the first feeder and stopped. All the squirrels were holding their breath from their little squirrel perches as he got a grip, hung himself down and cleaned out my feeder. In my mind their applause was thunderous. My wife said to surrender. I considered it but pride is a horrible thing.
The next day when my girl got home was the second hardest I ever saw her laugh. I had unstrung each feeder, threaded a 33 rpm record album down on top of each feeder like a little cap. Did I mention we had about 23 feeders. Through the tears and knee slaps she told me the back yard looked like we were having a sock hop. I had the last laugh because it worked!! HA HA that, woman! I am truly superior.
My birds and I enjoyed squirrel free feeding for a few weeks. That was the hardest laugh she ever had ay my expense. You see, in the south, in July heat those plastic albums melt down and form little black cones. When she came home from work Goliath and a few friends he trained were hanging by their heels cleaning out the squirrel proof feeders.
The next few months were well, just sad although cayenne pepper mixed with the seed did burn when they rubbed it in their little squirrel eyes.
I finally admitted defeat. We sold the house, bought a big boat and lived aboard for 3 years until last September. If you've read this far you'll really appreciate why I find this video so funny. Be sure to watch the whole thing.
https://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=2016822185
_________________
Charlie,
I love the story and have fought the tree rat (squirrel) wars myself. I don't think anyone has ever won that war although I must admit the guy who invented the tree rat catapult came close. The problem is the fact that it doesn't really matter how many battles you win, they will keep coming back, and will win the war.
I think my neighbor has the right idea by simply deporting them to the other side of the lake after they are caught in his humane trap. So far, there has been no evidence to indicate that any of the deported tree rats have been willing to swim five miles to get home. I'm going to get a trap and do the same thing. I think that together with my neighbor, we can severely deplete the tree rat population in our area.
I accidentally found an inhumane way to get rid of them last summer. We set up one of those big fiberglass water troughs for the cattle. The automatic float control was set to keep the water level about six inches below the top lip of the tank. The tank was set up against a tree. The tree rats soon found the easy access to water. What they didn't know was when they got low enough into the tank to get a drink, they would fall in. They were unable to climb or jump out of the water and drowned.
Because I am a fairly humane person, I put a board in the water this year in order for them to climb aboard the little boat and then jump out of the tank. ( I was also getting tired of having to drain the tank in order to drag the dead tree rats out of it)
Ted
I love the story and have fought the tree rat (squirrel) wars myself. I don't think anyone has ever won that war although I must admit the guy who invented the tree rat catapult came close. The problem is the fact that it doesn't really matter how many battles you win, they will keep coming back, and will win the war.
I think my neighbor has the right idea by simply deporting them to the other side of the lake after they are caught in his humane trap. So far, there has been no evidence to indicate that any of the deported tree rats have been willing to swim five miles to get home. I'm going to get a trap and do the same thing. I think that together with my neighbor, we can severely deplete the tree rat population in our area.
I accidentally found an inhumane way to get rid of them last summer. We set up one of those big fiberglass water troughs for the cattle. The automatic float control was set to keep the water level about six inches below the top lip of the tank. The tank was set up against a tree. The tree rats soon found the easy access to water. What they didn't know was when they got low enough into the tank to get a drink, they would fall in. They were unable to climb or jump out of the water and drowned.
Because I am a fairly humane person, I put a board in the water this year in order for them to climb aboard the little boat and then jump out of the tank. ( I was also getting tired of having to drain the tank in order to drag the dead tree rats out of it)
Ted
Evidence here would indicate thattedln wrote:I think my neighbor has the right idea by simply deporting them to the other side of the lake after they are caught in his humane trap. So far, there has been no evidence to indicate that any of the deported tree rats have been willing to swim five miles to get home.
I accidentally found an inhumane way to get rid of them last summer. We set up one of those big fiberglass water troughs for the cattle. ... The tree rats soon found the easy access to water. What they didn't know was when they got low enough into the tank to get a drink, they would fall in. They were unable to climb or jump out of the water and drowned.
Because I am a fairly humane person, I put a board in the water this year in order for them to climb aboard the little boat and then jump out of the tank. ( I was also getting tired of having to drain the tank in order to drag the dead tree rats out of it)
Ted
1) Fluffy-Tailed Rats cannot swim, walk, fly, or row across water to return to their original stomping (and stealing) grounds. Good.
2) Ted is both humane *and* smart. He gave the Fluffy-Tailed Rats a board so they could climb onto it and climb back out *and* he knew that their nasty little carcasses would poison his cattle, either by natural decomposition or innate orneriness (sp?) and spite, so he removed them quickly upon discovery. Also Good.
Cynthia, still trying to figure out who else is feeding the !@#$%# catafractus squirrels!!! I got one to stop forever, but....
My father in law who lives with us loves to feed all the beasts but they get into places under the house and even in the walls. I need an out door cat. I would love to have a lake to put them on the other side of, please send lake this way.
An old prospector shuffled into the town of El Indio, Texas leading an old tired mule. The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town, to clear his parched throat. He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.
The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, have you ever danced?" The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No, I never did dance... never really wanted to."
A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you old fool, you're gonna' dance now," and started shooting at the old man's feet. The old prospector, not wanting to get a toe blown off, started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet. Everybody was laughing, fit to be tied.
When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon. The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers. The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air.
The crowd stopped laughing immediately. The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly. The silence was almost deafening. The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels.
The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands, as he quietly said, "Son, have you ever kissed a mule's back side?"
The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir..... but... I've always wanted to."
There are a few lessons for us all here:
Never be arrogant.
Don't waste ammunition.
Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.
Always, always make sure you know who has the power.
Don't mess with old men, they didn't get old by being stupid.
I just love a story with a happy ending, don't you?
An old prospector shuffled into the town of El Indio, Texas leading an old tired mule. The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town, to clear his parched throat. He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.
The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, have you ever danced?" The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No, I never did dance... never really wanted to."
A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you old fool, you're gonna' dance now," and started shooting at the old man's feet. The old prospector, not wanting to get a toe blown off, started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet. Everybody was laughing, fit to be tied.
When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon. The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers. The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air.
The crowd stopped laughing immediately. The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly. The silence was almost deafening. The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels.
The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands, as he quietly said, "Son, have you ever kissed a mule's back side?"
The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir..... but... I've always wanted to."
There are a few lessons for us all here:
Never be arrogant.
Don't waste ammunition.
Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.
Always, always make sure you know who has the power.
Don't mess with old men, they didn't get old by being stupid.
I just love a story with a happy ending, don't you?
I have seen so many strange things at the boat ramps and docks I use to launch my boat. Some people go and just sit there during the busy times as they expect to see odd things happen. I have seen run away boats, boats hit other boats, people fall overboard, fights and even a boat blow up and burn. On a number of occasions I have seen boats start to sink as the people forgot to put the drain plug back in, I did this once my self.
One guy forgot to unhook the tie down straps on his boat and it floated the trailer off side ways.
Another guy backed down and did not set his break then got out and accidentally put it in reverse. The guy’s truck and trailer went under water and he had to have a diver hook the cable up to the tow truck.
One guy was holding on to his boat when it started to drift away he kept a hold of it as it got further from the dock. In a short time he was stretched out flat and his toes started to drag across the dock. The boat kept moving away from the dock until his toes slipped of the dock and he went into the water.
One guy forgot to unhook the tie down straps on his boat and it floated the trailer off side ways.
Another guy backed down and did not set his break then got out and accidentally put it in reverse. The guy’s truck and trailer went under water and he had to have a diver hook the cable up to the tow truck.
One guy was holding on to his boat when it started to drift away he kept a hold of it as it got further from the dock. In a short time he was stretched out flat and his toes started to drag across the dock. The boat kept moving away from the dock until his toes slipped of the dock and he went into the water.
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rainbowgardener
- Super Green Thumb
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- Joined: Sun Feb 15, 2009 6:04 pm
- Location: TN/GA 7b
I agree the squirrels always win in the end. The last place we lived we had more of a problem with them, because more woods on the property. We started with feeders on poles, but the squirrels climb the poles. So we put barriers on the poles, so the jump and come down from the top. So we put domes over the tops. So then they start figuring ways around all the barriers. So we run rope between trees and hang them from that. They chew through the rope. So we run CHAIN between the trees and hang them from that (still with the domes over them and everything). That worked pretty well for awhile, but by now our lovely pastoral back yard is starting to look like an industrial park!
Eventually we moved
Where we are now we are doing pretty well with squirrel proof feeders hung from branches and plenty of other food out for the squirrels. Especially when all the walnuts start dropping, the squirrels quit caring about the bird seed. Of course then whenever I try to work near the walnut tree, the squirrels hit me in the head with walnuts! (Really! It's happened way too many times to be an accident). I can just picture them up there, laughing their fool heads off!
Eventually we moved
Where we are now we are doing pretty well with squirrel proof feeders hung from branches and plenty of other food out for the squirrels. Especially when all the walnuts start dropping, the squirrels quit caring about the bird seed. Of course then whenever I try to work near the walnut tree, the squirrels hit me in the head with walnuts! (Really! It's happened way too many times to be an accident). I can just picture them up there, laughing their fool heads off!
Last edited by rainbowgardener on Thu Aug 26, 2010 12:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Tom,
Bob Wills (Country Swing Originator) and "Asleep At The Wheel" recorded a song entitled "Miles And Miles Of Texas". Miles and miles of Texas work just as well for tree rat deportation as a gigantic moat. You do need to spin them around a few times to disorient them and try to not let them see the direction you take when you drive off. Those dudes have good noses and can probably track you all the way home. Is there such a thing as "Miles and Miles of Oregon?
Charley should have been building a lot of tiny little surfboards and taking boat loads of the little dudes way out on his big boat. Give each tree rat a tiny surf board and bid each Bon Voyage as he happily heads for home port ratless. The folks in Bermuda may not appreciate it in a couple of weeks, but hey thats what they get for living in paradise without enough tree rats. Giving them a fighting chance (a tiny fighting chance) would be the humane thing to do. I've actually seen videos of them riding surf boards.
Ted
Bob Wills (Country Swing Originator) and "Asleep At The Wheel" recorded a song entitled "Miles And Miles Of Texas". Miles and miles of Texas work just as well for tree rat deportation as a gigantic moat. You do need to spin them around a few times to disorient them and try to not let them see the direction you take when you drive off. Those dudes have good noses and can probably track you all the way home. Is there such a thing as "Miles and Miles of Oregon?
Charley should have been building a lot of tiny little surfboards and taking boat loads of the little dudes way out on his big boat. Give each tree rat a tiny surf board and bid each Bon Voyage as he happily heads for home port ratless. The folks in Bermuda may not appreciate it in a couple of weeks, but hey thats what they get for living in paradise without enough tree rats. Giving them a fighting chance (a tiny fighting chance) would be the humane thing to do. I've actually seen videos of them riding surf boards.
Ted
Last edited by tedln on Thu Aug 26, 2010 12:40 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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gixxerific
- Super Green Thumb
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- Joined: Fri Jun 26, 2009 5:42 pm
- Location: Wentzville, MO (Just West oF St. Louis) Zone 5B
That's great Tom.tomf wrote:Waterskiing tree rat.
[url]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JXcaFC1vF0Q[/url]
I used to have a video of a dog skateboarding. It was insane, he was jumping ramps and dropping in on small half pipes. It really hit home because I am a skater.:EDIT: Okay found it you all have to watch this it is really insane. I don't know more than a few people that can do the things this dog can do.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i3T3sYZ9eBk
Alright here is another one I found if you go to the site you can find more. Let me see any one one you do these tricks.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bluJaIMQN0k&NR=1
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Charlie MV
- Greener Thumb
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- Joined: Thu May 08, 2008 11:48 pm
Tom, love the prospector story.
Ted, surfing squirrels? Nope. They own me, they know it. If they got near my boat they would just run up a big gas bill. I have stopped ,drinking , submitted gracefully and over the years, regained my dignity.
They always win. I admit it. I'm not as smart as a squirrel.
But, I have reached a sufficient level of geezerfication that I can tell you it's a safe bet that I'll never deliberately or under threat ever have to kiss a mule's behind.
Tom, may I use that story?
Ted, surfing squirrels? Nope. They own me, they know it. If they got near my boat they would just run up a big gas bill. I have stopped ,drinking , submitted gracefully and over the years, regained my dignity.
They always win. I admit it. I'm not as smart as a squirrel.
But, I have reached a sufficient level of geezerfication that I can tell you it's a safe bet that I'll never deliberately or under threat ever have to kiss a mule's behind.
Tom, may I use that story?