Oh, hey! It's even green!
[img]https://i252.photobucket.com/albums/hh27/Kisal_photos/nomnom-MensShirtTemplate.jpg[/img]
It's been a little quite in here, so it must be time for a laugh.
[img]https://i291.photobucket.com/albums/ll308/tedln/image0131212.jpg[/img]
[img]https://i291.photobucket.com/albums/ll308/tedln/image0121111.jpg[/img]
What can I say? Does it really matter now?
[img]https://i291.photobucket.com/albums/ll308/tedln/image0111010.jpg[/img]
Wanna go for a ride hun?
[img]https://i291.photobucket.com/albums/ll308/tedln/image00222.jpg[/img]
I know tomf likes music. Maybe we can get together and jam a little.
[img]https://i291.photobucket.com/albums/ll308/tedln/image00111.jpg[/img]
Ted
[img]https://i291.photobucket.com/albums/ll308/tedln/image0131212.jpg[/img]
[img]https://i291.photobucket.com/albums/ll308/tedln/image0121111.jpg[/img]
What can I say? Does it really matter now?
[img]https://i291.photobucket.com/albums/ll308/tedln/image0111010.jpg[/img]
Wanna go for a ride hun?
[img]https://i291.photobucket.com/albums/ll308/tedln/image00222.jpg[/img]
I know tomf likes music. Maybe we can get together and jam a little.
[img]https://i291.photobucket.com/albums/ll308/tedln/image00111.jpg[/img]
Ted
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Charlie MV
- Greener Thumb
- Posts: 1544
- Joined: Thu May 08, 2008 11:48 pm
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Charlie MV
- Greener Thumb
- Posts: 1544
- Joined: Thu May 08, 2008 11:48 pm
Is a story okay if it's true?
It was a very cold February day on the Ashley River. The tide was slack but the wind gusts were up to 45 mph. I was finishing up a renovation job on the old boat. I was carrying a 3 foot by 6 foot piece of 1/4" prefit, prefinished plywood down the dock to install it in the galley.
The boat is located on the outermost dock. I have to pass a row of sport fishers to get to mine. It's Monday so only old Dick is on his fly bridge engaging in his favorite sport, Budweiser. Dick's boat is one slip away or about 14 feet with no boat in the tween slip.
I pass Dick's boat and as I board my swim platform , a gust of wind picks up me and the plywood. I landed in the river kicking like hell and managed to hold this very expensive piece of plywood out of the water.
The ensuing conversation went like this. It's important to know that Dick's 78, has known me for 3 years and he's a few bricks shy of a load sober.
Me: DICK ,a beat, DIIICK!
no answer
Me at double volume: DICK!
Dick: What?
Me: Dick, help.
Dick: Who is it ?[all the while looking everywhere but at me]
Me:Dick, it's Charlie!
Dick: Who?
Me: Dick, It's Charlie, I'm in the water.
Dick: What??
Me :Dick, It's Charlie, I fell in the water.
Dick: Where?
Me: Dick, look down.
Dick looks over the other side of his boat.
Me: NOOOO DICK, IT'S CHARLIE OVER HERE< I FELL IN THE WATER!
Dick: Where?
Me: Damit Dick look over at my boat!
Dick finally looks at my boat and says :Where are you?
Me: DICK LOOK DOWN!
Dick finally sees me lets out a few Oh my gods and climbs down his ladder.
He comes over and demands my hand. Now remember, I'm still keeping the plywood dry . That's kind of the point. We argue for a few minutes while he tries to convince me I'll drown if I don't give him my hand. We argued for 5 minutes or so and he finally agreed just to pull the plywood up on the dock. I flipped my swim ladder down and climbed out.
True story. I kept my plywood dry. Dick didn't remember a thing the next day but loved the story.
It was a very cold February day on the Ashley River. The tide was slack but the wind gusts were up to 45 mph. I was finishing up a renovation job on the old boat. I was carrying a 3 foot by 6 foot piece of 1/4" prefit, prefinished plywood down the dock to install it in the galley.
The boat is located on the outermost dock. I have to pass a row of sport fishers to get to mine. It's Monday so only old Dick is on his fly bridge engaging in his favorite sport, Budweiser. Dick's boat is one slip away or about 14 feet with no boat in the tween slip.
I pass Dick's boat and as I board my swim platform , a gust of wind picks up me and the plywood. I landed in the river kicking like hell and managed to hold this very expensive piece of plywood out of the water.
The ensuing conversation went like this. It's important to know that Dick's 78, has known me for 3 years and he's a few bricks shy of a load sober.
Me: DICK ,a beat, DIIICK!
no answer
Me at double volume: DICK!
Dick: What?
Me: Dick, help.
Dick: Who is it ?[all the while looking everywhere but at me]
Me:Dick, it's Charlie!
Dick: Who?
Me: Dick, It's Charlie, I'm in the water.
Dick: What??
Me :Dick, It's Charlie, I fell in the water.
Dick: Where?
Me: Dick, look down.
Dick looks over the other side of his boat.
Me: NOOOO DICK, IT'S CHARLIE OVER HERE< I FELL IN THE WATER!
Dick: Where?
Me: Damit Dick look over at my boat!
Dick finally looks at my boat and says :Where are you?
Me: DICK LOOK DOWN!
Dick finally sees me lets out a few Oh my gods and climbs down his ladder.
He comes over and demands my hand. Now remember, I'm still keeping the plywood dry . That's kind of the point. We argue for a few minutes while he tries to convince me I'll drown if I don't give him my hand. We argued for 5 minutes or so and he finally agreed just to pull the plywood up on the dock. I flipped my swim ladder down and climbed out.
True story. I kept my plywood dry. Dick didn't remember a thing the next day but loved the story.
-
applestar
- Mod
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- Location: Zone 6, NJ (3/M)4/E ~ 10/M(11/B)
Charlie, I'm laughing so hard I got tears in my eyes. 
Wow, you must be a great swimmer. They should add that -- holding up a large piece of plywood out of the water keeping it dry for over 5 min. to their tests -- or do they have that already?I think I would sink the moment I lifted my arms out of the water....
Remind me to only do that when you're within hailing distance. 
..
[img]https://i252.photobucket.com/albums/hh27/Kisal_photos/nomnom-MensShirtTemplate.jpg[/img]
I know most people will thing this is grass on the shirt, but the picture reminds me a lot of the way min garlic leaves looked with all the slugs on them last year....
Thanks tedln for starting this and all the others with their contributions whether it be pics, jokes or stories. After a long stressful day at work it's nice to smile or have a good laugh. I have a plaque that says Sit long, Talk much and Laugh Often which are things I never seem to have the time to do so when I get those rare moments I enjoy them
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Charlie MV
- Greener Thumb
- Posts: 1544
- Joined: Thu May 08, 2008 11:48 pm
Marlingardener wrote:Charlie,
To think that all that was between you and oblivion was two more beers! I'm glad you caught Dick early enough in the day. We would all have missed having you here on the forum.
Did you think of turning the plywood into a raft?
Marlingardener, NOOOOOO. That was about a $150 piece of wood after all the work I did on it. Salt water would have toasted it and made that little panel a $300 panel. I would have kicked with my feet all day. I just couldn't lift it up on the dock without help.
Dick's a good guy. He does as well as can be expected for a 78 year old who is usually on his 4th Budweiser by 10 AM.
There are literally hundreds of similar stories. The pot smoking captain who imitated the sound of my 32 year old electric toilets was hilarious but I need to upload the sound effects.
My niece locking herself in the forward head was great. The best part of that one was that there was another door that was unlocked. Alcohol always seems to play a part. she's 30 and should have known better but she did have a bag of Oreos so the wait for rescue was tolerable. I got her to promise to scrub the boat before I let her out but I was abusing a desperate alcohol/Oreo junkie so I guess the lord will make me pay.
I have a great squirrel story but the last time I posted it I think the HG audience judged me harshly. I'll post it again if there is interest.
If I tell a story and your drink exits your noise, my work was done well.
Okay, true story.
About twenty years ago, my mom was in a convalescent home after an extended hospital stay. Most of the residents of the home were elderly including my mom. Every time we would visit mom, she would complain about her teeth hurting. Like almost all of the residents, moms teeth would spend the night soaking in a glass of water. After a few visits we realized the residents who could walk would remember, as they were walking; they had forgot their teeth. They would simply enter the closest room, remove the teeth from the water glass that looked just like theirs and insert them. The attendants were always trying different methods to keep peoples teeth identified. Many of the attendants were so good, they could look at a set of teeth and identify the owner.
On one of my visits to my dentist, the dentist asked me what my long term goal with my teeth is. I told him my goal is to still have teeth when I die. I never toldl him why.
Ted
About twenty years ago, my mom was in a convalescent home after an extended hospital stay. Most of the residents of the home were elderly including my mom. Every time we would visit mom, she would complain about her teeth hurting. Like almost all of the residents, moms teeth would spend the night soaking in a glass of water. After a few visits we realized the residents who could walk would remember, as they were walking; they had forgot their teeth. They would simply enter the closest room, remove the teeth from the water glass that looked just like theirs and insert them. The attendants were always trying different methods to keep peoples teeth identified. Many of the attendants were so good, they could look at a set of teeth and identify the owner.
On one of my visits to my dentist, the dentist asked me what my long term goal with my teeth is. I told him my goal is to still have teeth when I die. I never toldl him why.
Ted
Last edited by tedln on Wed Aug 25, 2010 8:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Charlie MV
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- Joined: Thu May 08, 2008 11:48 pm
No need to post it again if it's the one with the super soaker! I looked it up and cracked up--AGAIN!Charlie MV wrote:
I have a great squirrel story but the last time I posted it I think the HG audience judged me harshly. I'll post it again if there is interest.
Found a coupla others, too...and the squirrels are back in my redwood tree this year, after a year and a half (almost) of no squirrels. 
I persuaded one neighbor to stop feeding them...*that* was interesting. I must have written about it somewhere here....but they're back. Just in time to mess up the fall planting, too.Fluffy-Tailed Rats. Arrgh....More fantasies of violent acts...I can feel those fantasies zooming back into my brain this very second...
Cynthia H.
Sunset Zone 17, USDA Zone 9
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Charlie MV
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- Joined: Thu May 08, 2008 11:48 pm
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Charlie MV
- Greener Thumb
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- Joined: Thu May 08, 2008 11:48 pm
Cynthia, I thought everybody hated the story. I'm glad you liked it. We have a newer, more twisted bunch here now so with permission from the author, me, I'll repost it. Cousin Ted will love it. I'd love to see the faces of our three aunts when he reads it to them.
It's a few years old but still a good true yarn.
Several years ago my bride and I discovered the joys of bird watching. We had a lovely glassed in ex laundry room/back porch that we had converted with treated 4x4s and some very expensive plexi glass. We started with a few cheap feeders from the depot and as we got into it more found out we needed suet, tray and hummingbird feeders. So spend we did and soon we attracting an amazing variety of birds. We recorded 56 species of birds that spring who came to call and enjoy a snack or drink and possible bath in several of our public bird baths.
The trouble started so slowly that we didn't even pay it much attention. The antics of the cute little furry guys was entertaining so I didn't worry much when the first feeder wound up on the ground. I hung it back up and refilled the lot and went back to the garden. Then I saw him slap it down again and I said ok I'll secure it better and we'll be fine. Then he not only kept stealing seed but he ate a few holes in the feeders. I was a little surprised but still patient and I fed the Home Depot some more money, bought some replacements and we were good for a day or two until apparently he told some of his buddies and they had "Let's tear up all of Charlie's feeders day" .
Ok, I'm still being naively patient and I find "squirrel proof "feeders at the depot. Did I mention squirrels are smart? Well they are. The squirrel proof feeder kept them at bay for about 35 hours. Even twist tied to the shepards hook the new feeders ended up on the ground... empty. Now I felt this was all a bit unreasonable because remember I had tray feeders that the little rats could get to and I even bought them cheaper feed corn.
I greased the pole. Now that was funny for a while because the squirrels would limp off shaking their little paws as everything they touched stuck to the grease. Worked about 3 hours and they were leaping up to the feeders. I got more proactive. With practice and patience I got to where I could stalk them with a super soaker. Squirrels cut a flip or two with their tails looping when you manage to startle them with one of those things. I went to the super soaker because they could actually out run a blast from the garden hose. I even lay on the deck a few times and was lucky enough to actually get a few right in the face. I can't yell you how funny it is to see a squirrels reaction when you manage to make the stream fork up his nose from 4 feet away. They are not only surprised because a grown man is laying prone on the deck with a really big really powerful squirt gun but that it shot right up his little rat nose. 2 star entertainment and 3 flips for the squirrel.
As you may realize, this required a lot of patience on my part but not just a little bit of time. I read about stringing the feeders on wire and hanging them across the yard so that's what I did. Did you know a squirrel can not only walk on a very thin wire but hang from it and clean out a squirrel proof feeder?
By now I'm feeling pissed. My wife says I'm obsessing and allowing the little !@#$% to get in my head. Not so. I know I'm smarter than a squirrel. I went to the hobby shop and bought 200 little wooden thread spools. Smart huh? I detached the wire from the house and barn and ran the spools onto the wire. With the wire and feeders restretched, I fixed a drink and sat back for the fun. Fun it was. The first dozen squirrels would make 2 to 5 feet and roll off the spools and hit the ground with the most wonderful dull PLOP! I was completely happy, for about a week. Then Goliath showed up. He was huge and I discovered had the balance of a circus squirrel. He drew up to the eve and studied the wire and spools. His little squirrel brain worked as his buddies looked on. He took a deep breath and ran out to the first feeder and stopped. All the squirrels were holding their breath from their little squirrel perches as he got a grip, hung himself down and cleaned out my feeder. In my mind their applause was thunderous. My wife said to surrender. I considered it but pride is a horrible thing.
The next day when my girl got home was the second hardest I ever saw her laugh. I had unstrung each feeder, threaded a 33 rpm record album down on top of each feeder like a little cap. Did I mention we had about 23 feeders. Through the tears and knee slaps she told me the back yard looked like we were having a sock hop. I had the last laugh because it worked!! HA HA that, woman! I am truly superior.
My birds and I enjoyed squirrel free feeding for a few weeks. That was the hardest laugh she ever had ay my expense. You see, in the south, in July heat those plastic albums melt down and form little black cones. When she came home from work Goliath and a few friends he trained were hanging by their heels cleaning out the squirrel proof feeders.
The next few months were well, just sad although cayenne pepper mixed with the seed did burn when they rubbed it in their little squirrel eyes.
I finally admitted defeat. We sold the house, bought a big boat and lived aboard for 3 years until last September. If you've read this far you'll really appreciate why I find this video so funny. Be sure to watch the whole thing.
https://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=2016822185
_________________
It's a few years old but still a good true yarn.
Several years ago my bride and I discovered the joys of bird watching. We had a lovely glassed in ex laundry room/back porch that we had converted with treated 4x4s and some very expensive plexi glass. We started with a few cheap feeders from the depot and as we got into it more found out we needed suet, tray and hummingbird feeders. So spend we did and soon we attracting an amazing variety of birds. We recorded 56 species of birds that spring who came to call and enjoy a snack or drink and possible bath in several of our public bird baths.
The trouble started so slowly that we didn't even pay it much attention. The antics of the cute little furry guys was entertaining so I didn't worry much when the first feeder wound up on the ground. I hung it back up and refilled the lot and went back to the garden. Then I saw him slap it down again and I said ok I'll secure it better and we'll be fine. Then he not only kept stealing seed but he ate a few holes in the feeders. I was a little surprised but still patient and I fed the Home Depot some more money, bought some replacements and we were good for a day or two until apparently he told some of his buddies and they had "Let's tear up all of Charlie's feeders day" .
Ok, I'm still being naively patient and I find "squirrel proof "feeders at the depot. Did I mention squirrels are smart? Well they are. The squirrel proof feeder kept them at bay for about 35 hours. Even twist tied to the shepards hook the new feeders ended up on the ground... empty. Now I felt this was all a bit unreasonable because remember I had tray feeders that the little rats could get to and I even bought them cheaper feed corn.
I greased the pole. Now that was funny for a while because the squirrels would limp off shaking their little paws as everything they touched stuck to the grease. Worked about 3 hours and they were leaping up to the feeders. I got more proactive. With practice and patience I got to where I could stalk them with a super soaker. Squirrels cut a flip or two with their tails looping when you manage to startle them with one of those things. I went to the super soaker because they could actually out run a blast from the garden hose. I even lay on the deck a few times and was lucky enough to actually get a few right in the face. I can't yell you how funny it is to see a squirrels reaction when you manage to make the stream fork up his nose from 4 feet away. They are not only surprised because a grown man is laying prone on the deck with a really big really powerful squirt gun but that it shot right up his little rat nose. 2 star entertainment and 3 flips for the squirrel.
As you may realize, this required a lot of patience on my part but not just a little bit of time. I read about stringing the feeders on wire and hanging them across the yard so that's what I did. Did you know a squirrel can not only walk on a very thin wire but hang from it and clean out a squirrel proof feeder?
By now I'm feeling pissed. My wife says I'm obsessing and allowing the little !@#$% to get in my head. Not so. I know I'm smarter than a squirrel. I went to the hobby shop and bought 200 little wooden thread spools. Smart huh? I detached the wire from the house and barn and ran the spools onto the wire. With the wire and feeders restretched, I fixed a drink and sat back for the fun. Fun it was. The first dozen squirrels would make 2 to 5 feet and roll off the spools and hit the ground with the most wonderful dull PLOP! I was completely happy, for about a week. Then Goliath showed up. He was huge and I discovered had the balance of a circus squirrel. He drew up to the eve and studied the wire and spools. His little squirrel brain worked as his buddies looked on. He took a deep breath and ran out to the first feeder and stopped. All the squirrels were holding their breath from their little squirrel perches as he got a grip, hung himself down and cleaned out my feeder. In my mind their applause was thunderous. My wife said to surrender. I considered it but pride is a horrible thing.
The next day when my girl got home was the second hardest I ever saw her laugh. I had unstrung each feeder, threaded a 33 rpm record album down on top of each feeder like a little cap. Did I mention we had about 23 feeders. Through the tears and knee slaps she told me the back yard looked like we were having a sock hop. I had the last laugh because it worked!! HA HA that, woman! I am truly superior.
My birds and I enjoyed squirrel free feeding for a few weeks. That was the hardest laugh she ever had ay my expense. You see, in the south, in July heat those plastic albums melt down and form little black cones. When she came home from work Goliath and a few friends he trained were hanging by their heels cleaning out the squirrel proof feeders.
The next few months were well, just sad although cayenne pepper mixed with the seed did burn when they rubbed it in their little squirrel eyes.
I finally admitted defeat. We sold the house, bought a big boat and lived aboard for 3 years until last September. If you've read this far you'll really appreciate why I find this video so funny. Be sure to watch the whole thing.
https://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=2016822185
_________________
Charlie,
I love the story and have fought the tree rat (squirrel) wars myself. I don't think anyone has ever won that war although I must admit the guy who invented the tree rat catapult came close. The problem is the fact that it doesn't really matter how many battles you win, they will keep coming back, and will win the war.
I think my neighbor has the right idea by simply deporting them to the other side of the lake after they are caught in his humane trap. So far, there has been no evidence to indicate that any of the deported tree rats have been willing to swim five miles to get home. I'm going to get a trap and do the same thing. I think that together with my neighbor, we can severely deplete the tree rat population in our area.
I accidentally found an inhumane way to get rid of them last summer. We set up one of those big fiberglass water troughs for the cattle. The automatic float control was set to keep the water level about six inches below the top lip of the tank. The tank was set up against a tree. The tree rats soon found the easy access to water. What they didn't know was when they got low enough into the tank to get a drink, they would fall in. They were unable to climb or jump out of the water and drowned.
Because I am a fairly humane person, I put a board in the water this year in order for them to climb aboard the little boat and then jump out of the tank. ( I was also getting tired of having to drain the tank in order to drag the dead tree rats out of it)
Ted
I love the story and have fought the tree rat (squirrel) wars myself. I don't think anyone has ever won that war although I must admit the guy who invented the tree rat catapult came close. The problem is the fact that it doesn't really matter how many battles you win, they will keep coming back, and will win the war.
I think my neighbor has the right idea by simply deporting them to the other side of the lake after they are caught in his humane trap. So far, there has been no evidence to indicate that any of the deported tree rats have been willing to swim five miles to get home. I'm going to get a trap and do the same thing. I think that together with my neighbor, we can severely deplete the tree rat population in our area.
I accidentally found an inhumane way to get rid of them last summer. We set up one of those big fiberglass water troughs for the cattle. The automatic float control was set to keep the water level about six inches below the top lip of the tank. The tank was set up against a tree. The tree rats soon found the easy access to water. What they didn't know was when they got low enough into the tank to get a drink, they would fall in. They were unable to climb or jump out of the water and drowned.
Because I am a fairly humane person, I put a board in the water this year in order for them to climb aboard the little boat and then jump out of the tank. ( I was also getting tired of having to drain the tank in order to drag the dead tree rats out of it)
Ted
Evidence here would indicate thattedln wrote:I think my neighbor has the right idea by simply deporting them to the other side of the lake after they are caught in his humane trap. So far, there has been no evidence to indicate that any of the deported tree rats have been willing to swim five miles to get home.
I accidentally found an inhumane way to get rid of them last summer. We set up one of those big fiberglass water troughs for the cattle. ... The tree rats soon found the easy access to water. What they didn't know was when they got low enough into the tank to get a drink, they would fall in. They were unable to climb or jump out of the water and drowned.
Because I am a fairly humane person, I put a board in the water this year in order for them to climb aboard the little boat and then jump out of the tank. ( I was also getting tired of having to drain the tank in order to drag the dead tree rats out of it)
Ted
1) Fluffy-Tailed Rats cannot swim, walk, fly, or row across water to return to their original stomping (and stealing) grounds. Good.
2) Ted is both humane *and* smart. He gave the Fluffy-Tailed Rats a board so they could climb onto it and climb back out *and* he knew that their nasty little carcasses would poison his cattle, either by natural decomposition or innate orneriness (sp?) and spite, so he removed them quickly upon discovery. Also Good.
Cynthia, still trying to figure out who else is feeding the !@#$%# catafractus squirrels!!! I got one to stop forever, but....
My father in law who lives with us loves to feed all the beasts but they get into places under the house and even in the walls. I need an out door cat. I would love to have a lake to put them on the other side of, please send lake this way.
An old prospector shuffled into the town of El Indio, Texas leading an old tired mule. The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town, to clear his parched throat. He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.
The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, have you ever danced?" The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No, I never did dance... never really wanted to."
A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you old fool, you're gonna' dance now," and started shooting at the old man's feet. The old prospector, not wanting to get a toe blown off, started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet. Everybody was laughing, fit to be tied.
When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon. The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers. The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air.
The crowd stopped laughing immediately. The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly. The silence was almost deafening. The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels.
The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands, as he quietly said, "Son, have you ever kissed a mule's back side?"
The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir..... but... I've always wanted to."
There are a few lessons for us all here:
Never be arrogant.
Don't waste ammunition.
Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.
Always, always make sure you know who has the power.
Don't mess with old men, they didn't get old by being stupid.
I just love a story with a happy ending, don't you?
An old prospector shuffled into the town of El Indio, Texas leading an old tired mule. The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town, to clear his parched throat. He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.
The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, have you ever danced?" The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No, I never did dance... never really wanted to."
A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you old fool, you're gonna' dance now," and started shooting at the old man's feet. The old prospector, not wanting to get a toe blown off, started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet. Everybody was laughing, fit to be tied.
When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon. The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers. The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air.
The crowd stopped laughing immediately. The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly. The silence was almost deafening. The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels.
The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands, as he quietly said, "Son, have you ever kissed a mule's back side?"
The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir..... but... I've always wanted to."
There are a few lessons for us all here:
Never be arrogant.
Don't waste ammunition.
Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.
Always, always make sure you know who has the power.
Don't mess with old men, they didn't get old by being stupid.
I just love a story with a happy ending, don't you?
I have seen so many strange things at the boat ramps and docks I use to launch my boat. Some people go and just sit there during the busy times as they expect to see odd things happen. I have seen run away boats, boats hit other boats, people fall overboard, fights and even a boat blow up and burn. On a number of occasions I have seen boats start to sink as the people forgot to put the drain plug back in, I did this once my self.
One guy forgot to unhook the tie down straps on his boat and it floated the trailer off side ways.
Another guy backed down and did not set his break then got out and accidentally put it in reverse. The guy’s truck and trailer went under water and he had to have a diver hook the cable up to the tow truck.
One guy was holding on to his boat when it started to drift away he kept a hold of it as it got further from the dock. In a short time he was stretched out flat and his toes started to drag across the dock. The boat kept moving away from the dock until his toes slipped of the dock and he went into the water.
One guy forgot to unhook the tie down straps on his boat and it floated the trailer off side ways.
Another guy backed down and did not set his break then got out and accidentally put it in reverse. The guy’s truck and trailer went under water and he had to have a diver hook the cable up to the tow truck.
One guy was holding on to his boat when it started to drift away he kept a hold of it as it got further from the dock. In a short time he was stretched out flat and his toes started to drag across the dock. The boat kept moving away from the dock until his toes slipped of the dock and he went into the water.
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rainbowgardener
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- Location: TN/GA 7b
I agree the squirrels always win in the end. The last place we lived we had more of a problem with them, because more woods on the property. We started with feeders on poles, but the squirrels climb the poles. So we put barriers on the poles, so the jump and come down from the top. So we put domes over the tops. So then they start figuring ways around all the barriers. So we run rope between trees and hang them from that. They chew through the rope. So we run CHAIN between the trees and hang them from that (still with the domes over them and everything). That worked pretty well for awhile, but by now our lovely pastoral back yard is starting to look like an industrial park!
Eventually we moved
Where we are now we are doing pretty well with squirrel proof feeders hung from branches and plenty of other food out for the squirrels. Especially when all the walnuts start dropping, the squirrels quit caring about the bird seed. Of course then whenever I try to work near the walnut tree, the squirrels hit me in the head with walnuts! (Really! It's happened way too many times to be an accident). I can just picture them up there, laughing their fool heads off!
Eventually we moved
Where we are now we are doing pretty well with squirrel proof feeders hung from branches and plenty of other food out for the squirrels. Especially when all the walnuts start dropping, the squirrels quit caring about the bird seed. Of course then whenever I try to work near the walnut tree, the squirrels hit me in the head with walnuts! (Really! It's happened way too many times to be an accident). I can just picture them up there, laughing their fool heads off!
Last edited by rainbowgardener on Thu Aug 26, 2010 12:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Tom,
Bob Wills (Country Swing Originator) and "Asleep At The Wheel" recorded a song entitled "Miles And Miles Of Texas". Miles and miles of Texas work just as well for tree rat deportation as a gigantic moat. You do need to spin them around a few times to disorient them and try to not let them see the direction you take when you drive off. Those dudes have good noses and can probably track you all the way home. Is there such a thing as "Miles and Miles of Oregon?
Charley should have been building a lot of tiny little surfboards and taking boat loads of the little dudes way out on his big boat. Give each tree rat a tiny surf board and bid each Bon Voyage as he happily heads for home port ratless. The folks in Bermuda may not appreciate it in a couple of weeks, but hey thats what they get for living in paradise without enough tree rats. Giving them a fighting chance (a tiny fighting chance) would be the humane thing to do. I've actually seen videos of them riding surf boards.
Ted
Bob Wills (Country Swing Originator) and "Asleep At The Wheel" recorded a song entitled "Miles And Miles Of Texas". Miles and miles of Texas work just as well for tree rat deportation as a gigantic moat. You do need to spin them around a few times to disorient them and try to not let them see the direction you take when you drive off. Those dudes have good noses and can probably track you all the way home. Is there such a thing as "Miles and Miles of Oregon?
Charley should have been building a lot of tiny little surfboards and taking boat loads of the little dudes way out on his big boat. Give each tree rat a tiny surf board and bid each Bon Voyage as he happily heads for home port ratless. The folks in Bermuda may not appreciate it in a couple of weeks, but hey thats what they get for living in paradise without enough tree rats. Giving them a fighting chance (a tiny fighting chance) would be the humane thing to do. I've actually seen videos of them riding surf boards.
Ted
Last edited by tedln on Thu Aug 26, 2010 12:40 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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gixxerific
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That's great Tom.tomf wrote:Waterskiing tree rat.
[url]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JXcaFC1vF0Q[/url]
I used to have a video of a dog skateboarding. It was insane, he was jumping ramps and dropping in on small half pipes. It really hit home because I am a skater.:EDIT: Okay found it you all have to watch this it is really insane. I don't know more than a few people that can do the things this dog can do.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i3T3sYZ9eBk
Alright here is another one I found if you go to the site you can find more. Let me see any one one you do these tricks.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bluJaIMQN0k&NR=1
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Charlie MV
- Greener Thumb
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Tom, love the prospector story.
Ted, surfing squirrels? Nope. They own me, they know it. If they got near my boat they would just run up a big gas bill. I have stopped ,drinking , submitted gracefully and over the years, regained my dignity.
They always win. I admit it. I'm not as smart as a squirrel.
But, I have reached a sufficient level of geezerfication that I can tell you it's a safe bet that I'll never deliberately or under threat ever have to kiss a mule's behind.
Tom, may I use that story?
Ted, surfing squirrels? Nope. They own me, they know it. If they got near my boat they would just run up a big gas bill. I have stopped ,drinking , submitted gracefully and over the years, regained my dignity.
They always win. I admit it. I'm not as smart as a squirrel.
But, I have reached a sufficient level of geezerfication that I can tell you it's a safe bet that I'll never deliberately or under threat ever have to kiss a mule's behind.
Tom, may I use that story?
During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?"
"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because
it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No" he said. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"
Ted
"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because
it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No" he said. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"
Ted
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rainbowgardener
- Super Green Thumb
- Posts: 25279
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- Location: TN/GA 7b
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rainbowgardener
- Super Green Thumb
- Posts: 25279
- Joined: Sun Feb 15, 2009 6:04 pm
- Location: TN/GA 7b
Facebook has it's uses, it is a good way to connect to people with quick messages. I have also been found and found lost friends on it. Now some people get carried away with it and post lame stuff like " going shopping today" but it is not as bad as Twitter. There are a lot of what I feel are dumb games people play on Facebook like "Animal Farm" and "Mafia Wars".
But then it may take time away from being able to read and post here.
But then it may take time away from being able to read and post here.
I've kept in touch with all my old friends by use of the telephone and e-mail, and yes, even snail-mail. I've never been able to figure out what I would do on Facebook. I'm not interested in posting pictures. I asked a friend of mine who lives in Chicago what she does on Facebook, and she told me she hardly ever goes there anymore. To me, the whole thing seems like a lot of hoopla about nothing.
As for my iPhone, now that's the best invention ever! I don't use it as a phone all that often, but I use it for all kinds of other things. It keeps my grocery list for me; I have Kindle on it, so I always have a book to read while waiting somewhere; it keeps my calendar for me; I have all my emergency medical information on it; and on, and on. I have 4 pages of apps, and it has become my auxiliary brain! It's just an old 3G that my son gave me when he got his 3GS, but IMO, it's wonderful! I'm lusting after his 3GS now that he has his new 4G.
As for my iPhone, now that's the best invention ever!
I don't use it as a phone all that often, but I use it for all kinds of other things. It keeps my grocery list for me; I have Kindle on it, so I always have a book to read while waiting somewhere; it keeps my calendar for me; I have all my emergency medical information on it; and on, and on. I have 4 pages of apps, and it has become my auxiliary brain! It's just an old 3G that my son gave me when he got his 3GS, but IMO, it's wonderful! I'm lusting after his 3GS now that he has his new 4G. -
applestar
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- Location: Zone 6, NJ (3/M)4/E ~ 10/M(11/B)
If it's Farm Story, you're talking about, my 8 and 11 yr olds love that game which has been ported as an iPad app. They're allowed to play that as well as City Story, Tap Fish and Tap Birds, etc. as much as they want as long as they don't try to "purchase" any bucks and only accumulate currency and points by PLAYING the games and as long they they don't do any of the networking stuff except to go "clean" and "water" etc. the "neighbors'" environments.
If the "neighbors'" elaborate environments belong to other real players, they must be actually paying money to buy the extras...
If the "neighbors'" elaborate environments belong to other real players, they must be actually paying money to buy the extras...
Kisal,
You sound like my wife. She has the droid phone and keeps all of her information on it. We just returned from our required trip to Walmart. She has her grocery list on the droid. We were traveling earlier this week and I was looking for a highway intersection where I needed to turn. She pulled up her droid GPS and it showed where we were plus the intersection where I needed to turn. She entertains herself playing word games like scrabble with people all over the world on her droid. I still don't even like to turn my cell phone on. I did use it at Walmart when I finished looking at everything in the gardening area to call her and ask which isle she was on. It beats walking the entire store looking for her. She has the ring tone that says "hello,,,,,,,HELLO,,,,HELLO,,,,,,, HEEELLLLLOOOOOOOO I can hear her phone all over the store.
You sound like my wife. She has the droid phone and keeps all of her information on it. We just returned from our required trip to Walmart. She has her grocery list on the droid. We were traveling earlier this week and I was looking for a highway intersection where I needed to turn. She pulled up her droid GPS and it showed where we were plus the intersection where I needed to turn. She entertains herself playing word games like scrabble with people all over the world on her droid. I still don't even like to turn my cell phone on. I did use it at Walmart when I finished looking at everything in the gardening area to call her and ask which isle she was on. It beats walking the entire store looking for her. She has the ring tone that says "hello,,,,,,,HELLO,,,,HELLO,,,,,,, HEEELLLLLOOOOOOOO I can hear her phone all over the store.
Joe and Fred wanted to go ice fishing so they went to a lake and realized they needed some thing to cut into the ice. Fred went to a house near by and asked if he could borrow some thing to cut into the ice. The farmer let him use an ax. Later when it was dark Fred brought the ax back and the farmer asked him why it took so long. Fred told the farmer that it took all day just to cut a hole big enough to fit the boat into.
Having learned their lesson Joe and Fred went looking for some ice close to home and did not bring the boat this time. Joe started to cut a hole in the ice when he heard from above “ stop cutting a hole in the iceâ€
Having learned their lesson Joe and Fred went looking for some ice close to home and did not bring the boat this time. Joe started to cut a hole in the ice when he heard from above “ stop cutting a hole in the iceâ€
A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight.
The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easy.
So the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game.
The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists, saying that the game is a lot of fun. I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5. Then you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500, he says.
This catches the senior's attention and, to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. 'What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon?'
The senior doesn't say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.
Now it's the senior's turn. He asks the lawyer, 'What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?'
The lawyer uses his laptop and searches all references he can find on the 'net.
He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows--all to no avail.. After an hour of searching, he finally gives up.
He wakes the senior and hands him $500. The senior pockets the $500 and goes right back to sleep.
The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the senior up and asks, 'Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?'
The senior reaches into his pocket, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.
Ted
The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easy.
So the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game.
The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists, saying that the game is a lot of fun. I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5. Then you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500, he says.
This catches the senior's attention and, to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. 'What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon?'
The senior doesn't say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.
Now it's the senior's turn. He asks the lawyer, 'What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?'
The lawyer uses his laptop and searches all references he can find on the 'net.
He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows--all to no avail.. After an hour of searching, he finally gives up.
He wakes the senior and hands him $500. The senior pockets the $500 and goes right back to sleep.
The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the senior up and asks, 'Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?'
The senior reaches into his pocket, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.
Ted