I think I am going to take your advice on a personal matter.

[tomf]

Some time last year I posted a question about what to do about difficult people. I have been cutting fire wood at a woman's place, and we have been sharing the firewood. This woman has been so rude, so mistrusting, as if every one is out to cheat her, she says the harshest things, and is so disrespectful that it has been getting a bit much for me to take. A number of people who have had to deal with her or know this woman dislike her, sad but true. She writes me nasty emails if I can not be there to cut when she wants me to be, sometimes she want me there on a days notice, even the same day sometimes. She lives 45 minutes away so that makes it harder for me.

We had planed to cut this late spring and summer, then she decided to selectively log some of her dug-fir, and told me a short time before hand that I needed to buck up the logs we had and move them to make room for the new wood, she has plenty of places to put the new wood if she wants. Then she moved the time she was going to log up by more than a week, so I had to rush out and start. I set aside a few days to get the job done, and worked for a day, but she decided to go on a vacation the next day. She is always taking trips or making plans to do something ,and at the last moment telling me, so that I have no idea of when to plan to cut wood. She just expects me to drop everything to fit myself into her schedule. I asked her for a time line of her trips, and when I can expect to cut, but I never got one. So I figured as she took off when she told me it was urgent to get it done that it must not really be so urgent.

Then the next week a big spring snow storm came in on the mountain so I skied as many powder days in as I could, I live for powder snow.

Well I got a nasty email with caps and the F word about me skiing and not taking care of her needs. I am thinking of giving up the logs that I have already bucked and the ones I need to cut and split. This is about $800+ worth of fire wood for me. I have tons of windfall on my own land that I need to deal with, enough for next winter. It may be worth giving up the wood on her land just to not have to deal with her again.

The sad thing is she has had people come out and work for her and does not understand why they will not come back in these hard economic times. She says "you can't get anyone to work". I am the sort of person that gets along well with everyone, so I feel that if I find it hard to take some one they are behaving rather badly. Do you think it is worth loosing the wood and work I have already done? For my sanity, and as I am super busy, I am giving it serious thought, my wife says to just cut my losses and be rid of her. Thank you for being my shrink or Dear Abby.

[tomf]

I also have to look at my gas and time it would take to finish cutting and splitting the wood.

Fed up in Oregon.

[hendi_alex]

Just backing out would definitely be one solution, one that I could easily understand. On the other hand, you may try writing up a contract, specifying certain terms that each of your must comply with, making sure that the things that bother you most are included. Make it clear to her, what you will do and what you won't do, so that she has no reason to be sending demanding emails, as those requests will be outside the terms of your agreement. If she will sign the agreement and then abide by it, then the problem is solved. If she won't agree to such, then there would not seem to be a basis for a continued relationship.

[Dillbert]

it has taken five years for my son to appreciate some very early advice:
"Some customers are not worth having."

obviously you're not the only one in the village that has a problem with the dear nut-case lady.
I personally would advise terminating the whole deal, personal wood at stake or not, and never even think about 'going back'

you being able to get along with everyone does not cover "loonies who get along with no one"

[applestar]

I'm not business savvy. I'll tell you that up front.

My feeling is that there's no need for you to continue to deal with someone who is not even your relative that is so unhealthy for your sense of well being.

Another way to look at it is that when you are upset, there are people who care about you that will suffer with you, for your sake. Price is too high.

[tomf]

Thanks for your advice and help. Although it is good advice, I may ask anyways, but I don't think any contract with her would work, and she would just use me saying I want one to get mad. I can't even get a schedule of when she will be around from her. Right now it is just a verbal agreement that I cut up the wood and we share it. She always does have favors for me to do for her not covered by our agreement although.
I am what is called thick skinned so I can take a lot of abuse and not let it bother me, but she is way past that.
I am leaning to doing as most of you suggest and as Marlin said, write her and tell her why I can no longer work with her. With all I need to do this year (read the topic "overwhelmed") it may be well worth both my time and sanity.

[Dillbert]

>> write her and tell her why I can no longer work with her.

think that one through very carefully. as you have seen any excuse / reason you have is null and void and answered / challenged / disparaged in venom - anything you say / related / explain only gives her more ammunition for her warped retort.

"I'm sorry but I am unable to continue" is all I would provide.

[watermelonpunch]

Hmmm.... Maybe it's socially uncomfortable to talk about these things...
But what you have there is a control freak.

The only way to deal with control freaks like that is to maintain strict boundaries, and draw very firm lines in the sand, as things happen, in dealing with someone like that.

Trying to arrange anything or make a deal ahead of time will get you nowhere, because they likely won't honour it.
You have to play as you go, and teach them how to behave in a way that will get them what they want, by refusing to just bow to their whims & wishes, and basically giving them firm consequences when they do things like call at the last minute, or say something rude.

In other words, if she won't make plans in a reasonable time table ahead of time, you let her know she's S-out-of-luck if she calls you at the last minute.
If she says rude or nasty things... don't respond to them.

In my experience, people like this, if you force them into relinquishing a bit of control, they will either compromise because it's worth it to them to do so, or they will stop calling you and end the arrangement themselves.

I'm not saying this is what you should do. Just saying that it might be a more palatable resolution for you.

[tomf]

I emailed her back and told her the actual facts on what had gone on. I told her that we had talked about cutting this spring and summer, that she put a rush on me getting the logs bucked up, and then when I made time to do it she went on vacation. I told her that I needed a schedule and could not just be there when she decided she wanted me there. She never did respond to my email.

After sending this I decided to go with the majority of your posts and not deal with her any more. The time and gas to do the work is at the edge of making it worth doing, and putting up with her makes it not worth it. I should tell her that I can not deal with her, and I will when I get an email from her.

As I said I can put up with a lot from people, but she is extremely abusive. I think I have learned a lesson about dealing with difficult people. I find myself upset with her, I will not say I hate her as hate is a strong emotion and I will not make that much of a emotional commitment to any one. I do not like having bad thoughts about someone, or harboring distain for them, it is a waste of my spirit, so as the saying goes "if someone always gets you down, let them go". I will spend my time with people who I enjoy being around. The best thing I can do now is to get her out of my mind.

Thanks for your help in making up my mind.

[Charlie MV]

Over many years as a cabinet shop owner I believed in the 10-250 theory. A happy customer tells 10 people. An angry customer tells 250. I never advertised. My business was strictly word of mouth. I never ran low on work. It was my only business for 75% of the time. I bent over backwards to please. It was impossible to write a contract that covered every possibility. Over the last few years I invested in other types of business that do not require that degree of customer satisfaction. I still try to please my customers but my current business is guided by strict contracts. I take much less junk now.

I gather this is side work for you. It sounds like you have a many sources of this particular venture. The only thing I can say is that if this person isn't family, destitute or cold, I'd tell her to find another masochist to abuse. Life is too short. If she bad mouths you, the people who matter will know better. I certainly do. Carry on my friend.

[imafan26]

You may have to block her emails too, or you probably will not hear the end of it.

I feel sorry for you and understand your predicament. I also feel sorry for her, she must be a very lonely and unhappy woman.